JL Ranch (2016) Reviews

• Every time I have hope for a Hallmark film....

  caseybones2016-08-23

  ...I am always disappointed. Hallmark used to have such wonderfully acted and written films. Apparently that group of writers has died off because everything they put out now is trivial, dull, and uninteresting with really bad acting. "The Fish and Wildlife Service will be all over you like stink on a pig" is an example of the sparkling rhetoric you will hear. I"m all for giving work to Actors of a Certain Age (and I am of that age so I can appreciate it) but Voight and Caan show so little of their acting abilities that it's embarrassing. And I can see taking certain liberties with continuity but this is a hot mess. And the characters are just caricatures with each one taking on the role of good guy, bad guy (villain wears a black hat, for Pete's sake), put-upon daughter, big-hearted sheriff, frisky granddaughter, ad nauseam. Don't waste your time. Lots of better things to do!

• Waste of Time and Talent *Spoiler Alert*

  mcmiller532016-08-28

  For starters, if the J.L. ranch is 100 years old, I'll eat my own Stetson. Unless grand daddy built the first suburb in 1990s California. So, we begin with a cheap looking house, inside and out, that everybody fights over. The plot, however, is authentically old. Dallas did it better and for a lot longer. the ranch is at risk by super long grudge-holding neighbor but it's saved by the small town sheriff and a sudden unexplained wave of support from other neighbors who earlier said sorry you're on your own with this. All of this could be fixed but only with good writers, less plastic surgery, more Melanie Griffith glamor. Stiff, unconvincing acting from potentially great actors which boggled my mind. I think Hallmark is trying to lay the ground work for a series because they left us, at the end, with only a reprieve for the ranch and the biggest plot which is that each sparring family are related through the grand daughter. Watching Teri Polo scowl for two hours was really annoying, Voight mumbled and stumbled around with little passion except maybe for the paycheck and Caan looked drunk. Throw out the house, most of the actors and shoot the writers and you're good. Or, again, just rewatch Dallas. They did it right.

• Waste of time and talent

  stitchnpix2016-08-23

  Dry and boring 2 hours of time brought to you by Hallmark about a ranchers family headed by Jon Voight who is threatened to losing part of their farm on a false technicality spearheaded by James Caan - Voights rival. Many extra and unnecessary characters undeveloped that eat up time. Bad acting all around. Hallmark can definitely do better than this. Total waste of James Caan, Jon Voight and Melanie Griffith. Real disappointment. Too much hype for the last 6 months only to be let down. Nice theme music and locals in Kentucky,though. Quality Stetson- like hats. Well disciplined horses. Melanie Griffith's makeup was done nice,too. That's all.

• Right-wing Propaganda + Bad Acting = Terrible Movie

  plbogen2016-09-02

  Its basically a winking two hour glorification of domestic terrorists like Cliven Bundy. Dry, boring, slow, incomprehensible, convoluted and infuriating are the best ways to describe it. Voight's character at his best is a clueless idiot who has no understanding of the legal system, management, or pretty much anything other than pointing a gun at federal agents. Caan's character is illogical and seemed to be based on Western villains. I'm surprised he never tied a damsel to a train track. Total waste of time.

• Voight and Caan act and look as if the worms were already at work on them.

  gordonm8882016-08-21

  J L Family Ranch, or J L Ranch, is a horrible money, even as judged by Hallmark TV movie. It is bad in almost every way that a movie can be bad. Jon Voigt, who is apparently too old to move or act, begins to understand that there is a legal threat to his ownership of his family ranch. What follows is a long series of emotionless, whispered conversations between various family members and with other townspeople. A variety of side plots are introduced concerning daughters, grandchildren, etc. We meet Voigt's lifelong enemy, played by James Caan. The two septuagenarian actors, Caan and Voight, have a whispered showdown that was surely intended to be dramatic and intense - but instead is a snooze-fest. The plot has a glacial pace. It is also absurd - Voight never gets a lawyer, but instead encourages his neighbors to come to his property and have a shoot-out with the federal agency representatives. A senator is trying to divert federal money to a solar company he owns (really?) and he needs the water on Voight's land - huh? What? Then a helicopter swoops down with a miraculous solution to the problem. Aw c'mon, was this written by a school kid? The acting is non-existent. Voight and Caan both act and look as if the worms were already at work on them - both look mildly bewildered as they deliver their lines, as if they are unsure of where they are. The directing is terrible - unclear story-telling, bad lighting, dull camera-work, poor editing, bad musical score. The pace of the movie is slow, slow, slow, and relies on whispered conversations to advance the action. This film has no action, no humor, no narrative tension and almost no romance. And the film's ending defies credulity, and also manages to be unsatisfying and inconclusive. A genuinely bad film on every level.